Helping children through divorce:
Tips for parents Going through a divorce is extremely stressful, emotional and uncertain. When...- 08 June 2026
Posted: 08 June 2026
Going through a divorce is extremely stressful, emotional and uncertain. When children are brought into the mix, it is even more so. We hope that this practical guide will assist parents going through divorce, and ensure that the children remain focal to the conversation.
This might be controversial and solicitors can get a reputation for heightening the conflict in the interests of legal fees, but instructing the right solicitor will mean that this is not the case. A solicitor will keep you focused on the bigger picture and not on the small details, which is often hard to remember when you are the person in it. Correspondence via solicitors is beneficial too, as it avoids arguments at handovers or unpleasant messages. Allowing the correspondence you have with your spouse to be only about the children and arrangements. Especially in instances where you are still living under the same roof as your spouse, correspondence through solicitors is even more important to avoid children being exposed to conflict in the home. Keeping that a safe and calm environment for the children.
This is obviously age dependant, but if your child is of the age where they understand that their parents are separating, then they also ought to understand that they have not caused it. Younger children would benefit from this conversation too, in an age appropriate way. The best approach is honesty, children do not need to know what went wrong but they need reassurance about what won’t change. They are loved, they are not to blame and both of their parents will continue to be there for them. Childhood trauma can arise from how a parental separation is handled, and children can experience guilt for this, so reassuring them will go a long way.
This seems obvious, but so many parents get it wrong. Asking children to relay messages, speaking about the other parent in a derogatory way to the children or within earshot, or simply venting about the other parent, can make children feel like they have to make a choice between parents. Even small comments that feel harmless can create pressure. A child should be given the emotional permission to love and have a healthy relationship with both of their parents. A child should not feel like loving one of their parents is a betrayal of the other. This is not always achievable and everyone needs to speak to their support network during these difficult times, but best practice is to keep negative comments to yourself, or share them in a safe space well away from the children so that they can’t hear. To the child, positive and affirming acknowledgement and conversations about the other parent will help them through this difficult time. Where appropriate, encouraging an open line of communication between the absent parent and child is also important, such as allowing them to video call, or text message the parent (if age appropriate).
Both parents need to ensure consistency for the children in their routines – school, mealtimes, bedtimes, to ensure stability across both homes. It is not appropriate for one parent to stringently comply with the routine and the other to allow the children to eat sweets, stay up late and play on their gaming device where it would not normally be allowed in the care of the other parent. This creates uncertainty for the children and children need boundaries and routines to flourish.
Your child may have questions and instead of trying to fix it, it is best for them to feel their emotions, and you can talk through their worries and concerns with them in an age appropriate way. Giving them permission to feel their emotions and letting them know it is okay to feel angry, sad or confused, will help them to process this difficult time. What matters most is that they feel heard.
Helping children through a divorce is not about making it painless, that is unrealistic, but about making it stable, honest and emotionally safe. Conflict should be handled in a predictable and respectful way so that the children learn their parents can be civil and respectful to one another.
If you would like to speak to one of our family experts about your divorce, we would be happy to help.
Our family law team advises individuals on prenuptial agreements, finances, and wider relationship planning, providing clear, practical guidance tailored to your situation. If you are considering a prenup or want to understand how an agreement might work for you, speak to our prenuptial agreement solicitors for clear, practical legal advice. All our office contact details are available here or send an email.
Laura is an Associate in the family team based in the Chelmsford office and has been a member of the team for 7 years. Laura provides sound and realistic advice and aims to achieve the best possible results for the clients.
- 08 June 2026
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